The Method of Madness

I live in New Jersey, so it goes without saying that I am expert when it comes to driving douche-baggery. So during this past weeks’ commutes, I got to thinking about what your driving habits say about you. After all, the closest thing we’ve got in psych to a “law” is this: the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. And while I don’t have the validity study to back-up what I’m about to say, any psych researchers can feel free to poach the idea and con your University into giving you a grant. Just be sure to thank me.

The kind of driver you are, in my opinion, says a lot about how you might be as a worker, too. Think about it: driving on the road is a lot like being in the workplace. You share the road with other people, and in order for all hell not to break loose you have to share the space and be polite. Of course, accidents happen – usually due to inattentiveness, lack of consideration for other drivers, and plain stupidity.

I think my HR folks can agree that many workplace problems stem from those same three things. So, without further ado, here’s four driving profile I came up with (and what they say about your work ethic).

The Speeder

You know this guy/gal. The speed limit is merely a recommendation for them, and they swerve in and out of lanes trying to get ahead of everyone. If you’re lucky, they’ll use their blinker to let you know – but why let others know your moves when you can keep them guessing? When it comes to the workplace, watch out for these folks. Despite probably being manic and getting things done quickly, they’re the type to smile while simultaneously driving a knife into your back.

The Slow-Schmoe

The complete opposite of the Speeder, these types are usually in the right-most lane doing 40 in a 65 (though like the Speeder, they too believe the speed limit is a recommendation). They’ll smile and keep on trucking – while blithely holding up everyone else on the road. While their attention to detail is meritable, unless your project is on a year timeline they may be unbearably slow when it comes to getting things done.

The Do-Right

They obey the speed limit, traffic laws, and everything else to make the road a place of harmony to drive on. These are your reliable folks that know how to get things done rightly and honestly. They make take a few risks here and there, but they won’t fly too far from their comfort zone. You can count on these people.

The what-the-$%#^

These people are like the Speeders, but with no sense whatsoever. They would do 80 driving backwards on the wrong side of the road if they happened to feel like it. Arguably, these are the most toxic of people in the workplace. While the Speeder might back-stab you, it’s all in the name of business; the Do-Wrong skirts rules and generally can’t see beyond five feet in front of them. Stay away, stay AWAY, and fire the recruiter who was dumb enough to get them in the door.

To be honest, I wrote this post out of humor. However, I really do believe how we act in other realms of life is reflective of how we act in others. Frankly, driving is a dangerous, mentally and time consuming activity that necessitates everyone following the rules of the road. I see a lot of parallels when it comes to the workplace. We all need to get along to make sure actual work is getting done.

Do you think how you drive is reflective of how you work?